Dancing

It was a typical flight back home. As usual, I sat in the window seat. My Beats were on and the music shuffled.  I stared out at the stars and down at the city lights, twinkling as if to reflect the sky above. Meddled in my thoughts, the music was a filler, noise to drown out the world as my brain’s theater played Wedding Weekend on repeat. I’d never felt so empty, so pained by something that should have been so joyful.

A simple piano riff cut through my swirling thoughts. The notes rang through my ears, sweet and light. Steffany Gretzinger’s voice began to sing:

“You steady me, slow and sweet. Take the lead and I will follow.”

She sounded so sincere, the lyrics a promise to God saying I trust you through it all.

The song went on to the chorus which reads:

“When my faith gets tired,
And my hope seems lost,
You spin me round and round
And remind me of that song,
The one You wrote for me.
And we dance.
And we dance.”

When I’m tired and lost, You hold me close and dance with me. Whenever we hurt and feel like there’s nothing left, whenever the black hole sucks us in and crushes our spirit, whenever we have nothing left to hold onto, there’s a Lord waiting to take our hand and lead us and say, “I’m with you.”

I began to cry on that plane. Silent sobs wracked my body as I let the Lord in on my struggles. As my tears tried to fall to the ground below, the last couplet repeated itself over and over, a prayer:

“It’s nice to know I’m not alone.
I’ve found my home here in your arms.”

For an hour, I played that song on repeat. I let it seep in to my soul, a warm comfort in the loneliest of times. It was my prayer and my reminder. I wasn’t alone and never would be.

I sit here now, typing, listening to the same song. I’m at a low. I smile through the days as they drag by, but the impending death of my childhood home lingers in the back of my mind. This song is my hope. This song is my prayer. This song is my lifeline.

I’m dancing.

 

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